Sunday, March 16, 2008

Stupid tax revisited

Well. Its been a while since the inception of the stupid tax. And Ive listed some more potential candidates for to leech money out of.


-People who refuse to, or cant be bothered to clear the snow off their vehicles, or scrape the ice. Rolling snowbanks aren't a good idea. Commonly seen on HUGE suv's with short drivers.

-People who come up with cunning bumper stickers such as "Unless your a hemorrhoid, stay off my ass". I'm sure the cop will think its hilarious when hes writing your ticket.

-Multitasking drivers. Typical function of business people and the infamous soccer mom. The ones who can read a paper, drink coffee, smoke, talk on the cell phone, tune the radio, and yell at the kids at the same time.

The tax for the above offenses will be a boot to the head.


-People who play guitar hero or rock band and think they are experts at real guitars. Ok ya boneheads. A real guitar has 6 strings, and 24 frets. (Positions) Not to mention, some chords use most or a combination of all fingers and different strings at one time. I own two. Just because you can mash buttons on a video game, does not mean you are the guitar hero. Get a life.

-Kids and online video games. I was playing a racing game, "Burnout Paradise" Today, where the object of the game is to smash the opponents. A neat feature of this is you can compete over the internet, which I think is great! You can also use a headset to taunt a victim or help complete a goal. Which brings me to to all the little boys out there with the headsets. Dont make an ass of yourself by calling everyone else noobs (new players) then throwing a fit when someone beats you, using more profanity then a sailor home on leave.

Violations of the above will be a real guitar to the side of the head, or a headset up the nostril depending on the game offended.


-It is not acceptable to order 32 coffees and 17 bagels through a drive through. Get off your ass and go inside to order instead of holding everyone else up who only wants his stinking coffee, you fat bastards!

Punishment will be forcing the individual to eat the order.


-These people can be typically found sitting by themselves with an iPOD stuck in their ears, long hair over one side of the face, huge amounts of make up, or make up on males, tight fitting dark colored clothing, with sad expressions on the face. Note there is a difference in between goth and EMO. Advanced persons of the emo cult have cuts on wrist. All an effort to attract attention to themselves.

Punishment will be sending these individuals to Afghanistan to learn how bad it could be. Then direct entrance to the military, where they will be put up against the toughest crusty seargent known. If they don't off them self and alleviate our suffering from having to deal with them, then we will wrap them from head to toe in gun tape and mail them directly to the care bears.

More to follow... Soon the country will have no debt.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Roll up the rim to loose.

Please Try Again.

Its all i have seen out of Tim Horton's roll up the rim campaign this year.

Loose loose loose.. Gawd. Its been an awful loss this year. I think I have won 3 times this year out of perhaps 30 coffees. I remember not to many years ago winning a lot more often. And strangly every year they claim to have more and more prizes. Guess a lot of people suddenly immigrated to Canada.


Winter blues.

Oh I am so tired of winter.

I'm tired of getting up every morning, and starting my frozen minivan, freezing half to death while I clear the snow and wait for half my drive for it to warm up inside.

I'm tired of working outside and dressing up in full winter gear fighting each morning with diesel trucks, praying that one will start each morning.

I'm tired of shoveling to the point my arms get sore and strained. As well as the back.

I'm really tired of picking up a coffee in the morning and having to microwave it when I get home as its gone stone cold from seconds of being outside.

On the bright side, its roll up the rim time again. And Ive noticed something. They claim there are more prizes each year, but I have found each year I seem to win less and less. Am I the only one that notices this?

Time to freeze again. Hope the minivan starts.